Listen Twice as Much as You Speak

Now this is an old admonition that you need to take the time to listen to. I was once line producing a feature film in Los Angeles and there were two Irish-American actors on the set and one of them always had something to say about everything. The other actor I"ll call Patrick said to the other actor Sean, " Hey Sean, Do you know why God gave you two ears and one mouth?" Sean, replied that he didn't. Patrick said, "So you can listen twice as much as you talk, so could you just shut the F up and listen for a change." A little cruder and less elegant than how I would have said it but probably more effective and to the point.

Listening is crucial to being an effective communicator. I've been lucky in this regard as I started out as a very shy teenager who felt more comfortable listening than talking. As I started my journey of personal growth I experienced some other tools that contributed to my understanding in this area.

The first experience was my involvement with Oral History. I began to conduct interviews for Lehman College on Bronx History. I would conduct 1-2 hour taped interviews with people with interesting stories. I learned that I needed to actively listen so I could respond to new information and take the interview into deeper areas than just following my pre-set questions. I later created an opportunity to interview and be interviewed by a master of Oral History Stud Terkel in his book, "The Great Divide". A suggestion is to watch different interview shows on television ( Larry King, Charlie Rose etc.) and see how the best are able to listen and go with the flow rather than stick to pre-set questions.

The second experience was my study of acting. I studied many of the different schools of thought in acting including Stanislavsky, Viola Spolin, Lee Strasberg, Michael Checkov, Uta Hagen and Sandford Meisner. I learned from all of them but the Meisner technique had an exercise called the repetition game/exercise. In this exercise we had to listen and repeat what the other person said over and over until a natural change in behaviour occurred. it forced us to focus on the other actor, listen actively, observe behaviour and be in the moment. An excellent acting exercise but also a life lesson for active listening and effective communication.

All these experiences contributed to me learning how to be a great listener but don't get me wrong I can babble at times with the best of them just ask my wife and daughter. I have went from that shy teenager to clearly gaining the gift of gab and while I haven't kissed the Blarney Stone yet it's clearly in my genes.

So if you want to be a great or even a good communicator you'll just have to listen twice as much as you speak. Ask questions, be curious, be interested and build rapport with the person you are communicating with not just speaking to or at. Watch how people respond to you as you make this shift.

Listen, Listen, Speak............